his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
