i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize