It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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