i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
