it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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