atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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