How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
