She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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