I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
