Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize