He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
