Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
