The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
