i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
