im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
