never play flip cup with pint glasses
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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