If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
