What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
