Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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