If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
