New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
