Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
