Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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