I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
