from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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