I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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