Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
