Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
