so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
