Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
