He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
