so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
