I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You ruined the universe
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
