I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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