how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just invented taco cereal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
