chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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