Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
