Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
