Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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