chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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