I look better un-naked...
My cat gives me a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
