so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
