I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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