did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
