I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
