so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
