update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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