It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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