Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
