I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize