I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
