I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
