you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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