those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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