omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
