i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
