so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
