there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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