Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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