she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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