Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
