Pappa wants mamma naked
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize