maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize