So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
