Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize