don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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